Classical Music Unleashed

EMI releases 50 Shades of Classical Music.

by Paul Pelkonen
“Why is anyone the way they are? That’s kind of hard to answer. Why do some people like cheese and other people hate it? Do you like cheese?”
--Christian Grey, from Fifty Shades of Grey by E. L. James.

Record companies and, more recently, download merchants are continually trying to find new ways to market the vast catalogue of classical music and opera that was created in the boom years of the music industry. One of the more frequently used ideas is to make a compilation or playlist tied to a particular book or movie, and sell the whole thing as a bundle of files for a low price.

Which brings us to Angel Records' June 25 release: 50 Shades of Classical, the playlist currently being marketed (on iTunes and Amazon.com) as a tie in to E.L. James' best-selling soft-core S & M-themed Fifty Shades trilogy. For those of you who haven't heard of these books, Fifty Shades chronicles the kinky love affair between billionaire, control freak and would-be master of the universe Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele, the English major who becomes the...object of his affections.

A Serious Winter Weather Advisory

Start your day with Zappa:
There's finally some snow on the ground outside my window. A good thing, as it's January. So while I drink coffee, write, and drink more coffee, please enjoy this important safety announcement from Mayor Zappa of Qikiqtaġruk, AK.
Hit it, boys.



The song is a radio/single editversion of "Don't Eat the Yellow Snow" and "Nanook Rubs It", the first two tracks on Frank Zappa's 1978 album ' (apostrophe). This shortened version (which omits most of the soloing and instrumental showing off that is a Zappa trademark is available on the Zappa singles compilation Strictly Commercial.

The full version is about six minutes, and forms the first two parts of a four-song suite with "St. Alphonso's Pancake Breakfast" and "Father O'Blivion." 

Twelve Days at the Opera

Or Trapped in the Metropolitan Opera House!

"There's got to be a way out of this place! But where?"
The author, trapped somewhere in the Metropolitan Opera House.

The (Metropolitan Opera House, located at W. 64th St. and Amsterdam Avenue) is big. Really big. It's so big you can't imagine it. Well, it's not quite as huge as Douglas Adams' description of the infinities of the universe, but the building is actually a 57-story skyscraper, lying on its side in the middle of Lincoln Center.

There are vast corridors, workshops, underground passageways, rehearsal spaces, storage facilities and dressing rooms, not to mention three restaurants and a really big auditorium within its walls. Here's a quick look at what's coming up in 2012 in the Spring season, set to the tune of a holiday classic. Feel free to sing along. One, two three....

On the first day at the opera, Wagner gave to me,

a great big clunking machine.

(One of the planks whacked me on the head!)

On the second day at the opera, Donizetti gave to me

Two bottles of vino, and a great big clunking machine.

(Somebody locked me in a dressing room.)

On the third day at the opera, Massenet gave to me

Three French tricks, two bottles of vino, and a great big clunking machine.

(I disguised myself as a supernumerary.) 

On the fourth day at the opera, a bunch of composers gave to me

Four confused lovers, three French tricks, two bottles of vino, 

And a great big clunking machine.
(I spent the night in List Hall.) 

On the fifth day at the opera, Verdi gave to me,
Fiiiiive great big clocks!

Four confused lovers, three French tricks, two bottles of vino,

And a great big clunking machine. 

(I'm camping in the prompter's box.)

On the sixth day at the opera, Mozart gave to me,

Six heavily armed peasants,
Fiiiiive great big clocks! Four confused lovers, three French tricks, two bottles of vino,

And a great big clunking machine.

(I've been employed as an emergency usher.)

On the seventh day at the opera, Janáček gave to me,
Seven lawyers litigating, six heavily armed peasants, fiiiiive great big clocks!

Four confused lovers, three French tricks, two bottles of vino,

And a great big clunking machine. 

(I can't believe I've been stuck in this building for a week!)

On the eighth day at the opera,Verdi gave to me,
Eight pyramid schemes,
seven lawyers litigating, six heavily armed peasants, fiiiiive great big clocks!

Four confused lovers, three French tricks, two bottles of vino,

And a great big clunking machine.
(I'll just sleep behind the Revlon Bar.)

On the ninth day at the opera, Britten gave to me

Nine sailors scheming, eight pyramid scams, seven lawyers litigating,
six heavily armed peasants, fiiiiive great big clocks!

Four confused lovers, three French tricks, two bottles of vino,

And a great big clunking machine.
(House detectives are looking for me.)

On the tenth day at the opera, Puccini gave to me,
Ten divas leaping,
nine sailors scheming, eight pyramid scams, seven lawyers litigating,

six heavily armed peasants, fiiiiive great big clocks!

Four confused lovers, three French tricks, two bottles of vino,

And a great big clunking machine. 

(They're starting to run out of little sandwiches.)

On the eleventh day at the opera, Verdi gave to me
Eleven bandit hats,
ten divas leaping, nine sailors scheming, eight pyramid scams, seven lawyers litigating,

six heavily armed peasants, fiiiiive great big clocks!

Four confused lovers, three French tricks, two bottles of vino,

And a great big clunking machine.
(Finally, a chance to raise and lower the chandeliers!)

On the twelfth day at the opera, Mussorgsky gave to me,

Twelve doomed Streltsy,
Eleven bandit hats, Ten divas leaping, Nine sailors scheming,
Eight pyramid scams, Seven lawyers litigating,
Six heavily armed peasants, Fiiiiive great big clocks!

Four confused lovers, three French tricks, two bottles of vino,

And a great big clunking machine!!!!
(I think I finally found the exit!)

Happy holidays to all of you!

A Nightmare of New York (Zuccotti Park)

A Christmas ditty for troubled times.

The ghosts of a New York Christmas yet to come.

December 17th marks the one-month milestone since the raid on Zuccotti Park, when Mayor Mike Bloomberg and New York Police Chief Ray Kelly sent heavily armed and armored NYPD to evict the protestors from the park at the corner of Liberty St. and Broadway.

I was not there that night, but I was a contributor to the Occupation and a donor to the People's Library. One month later, I'm still outraged at the NYPD's continued violence against the people of this city and especially its members of the working press. So here's a Christmas present to the Commish, Hizzonner, and all the boys in blue who raided the park.

(Ed. note: I wrote this yesterday and thought twice about posting it. But given that the police are arresting former clergy at Duarte Square today--and that a cop just punched a credentialed photographer in the kidneys (twice) it's running now.)

A Nightmare of New York (Zuccotti Park)
A song parody by Paul J. Pelkonen
Sung to the tune of "Fairytale of New York" by The Pogues. Original song written by and © S. McGowan/J. Finer. Sheet music available for purchase and download here.

It was on the Seventeenth, in Zuccotti Park,
They came at one A.M., to catch us sleeping.
They came with sound cannons. Gave us no place to run.
Within just two hours, New York was weeping.

The Mayor sent them there, into a public square,
Two months of street protests, had made him nervous.
Bloomberg's private army, Came in to make us bleed,
For our right to protest, did we deserve this?

All the tables they smashed all the beds that were trashed,
The People's Library books ripped up and torn,
The tents they were slashed up, our stuff it was mashed up,
To the sound of a garbage truck's primitive roar.

They beat on reporters, they shut out all others,
They cleared the air space and kept the choppers down,
They came in like cowards, they crushed us like flowers,
It was a black mark for fair Manhattan town.

And the boys of the NYPD choir were armed with pepper spray,
And we shall ne'er forget their deeds that day.

You're a bum,

You're a punk,

And Ray Kelly's a skunk,
You stink of corruption and corporate graft.
Go sleep in Zuccotti,
with your corporate hottie,
with your own private army
you just make me laugh.

And the boys of the NYPD choir were using pepper spray,
And we shall ne'er forget their deeds that day.

You took our homes from us,
You took our jobs from us,
And what coins that were left,
Were pinched and swindled
You went and ruined our books
You claimed for our own good,
But we will rise again,
The sparks are kindled.

And the boys of the NYPD choir still using pepper spray,
And we shall ne'er forgive their deeds that day.

This Post is Bullsh*t

A Rumination on the Fine Art of Saying Nothing at All.

Photo by Fos53 from his blog. 

Dear readers of Superconductor:

Writing about modern classical music is difficult. And it's harder when, like me you do it every single day. The music critic must be able to turn the sounds of scratches, taps and squawks into readable prose that somehow manages to convey the sounds that we're hearing and, at the same time make the basic underlying ideas of a composer accessible to the man on the street.

One of the biggest stylistic problems is the tendency to write in "critic-speak." To use voluminous phrases that soar majestically from the pages of the Penguin Guide. To describe horns "ejaculating"--a favorite verb of early 20th century critic Ernest Newman. Or to write purple prose that sounds as if it were translated from German a la Richard Wagner.

Now, thanks to composer Dominic Irving, the task is a little easier. Mr. Irving has just launched the Contemporary Classical Composer Bullshit Generator, a web app that generates paragraphs of purple prose that would make Nicholas Slonimsky proud.

Here's an example from the Generator:
Rather than generatively writing chaotic instruments, I now prefer modulating flowing types of movement, in conjunction with highly coherent fanfares. I coined the term 'piece-piece-music' to describe my most radical approaches to polyphonic composition. My aim is simple - to inform all tense non-fragmentary-fundamentals, whilst simultaneously (and non-aesthetically) premiering the idea of 'improvisatory-chord-key-signatures'. I build upon the so-called 'conflicts of quasi-serialist juxtapositions', and transform them into what I term 'spatial-intra-semantic commission-experiences', which I see as a distinct improvement. My latest composition explores the boundaries between octaves and techniques, whilst utilising a highly contrasting attitude to a traditional, intellectual platform.


The shameful part is, that I've written paragraphs like this. Or at least taken them down when interviewing certain composers. I shall name no names.

Here's a few more samples, all generated this morning when I was playing around with the CCCBG:

My orchestration is the only one of its kind, due in part to the inclusion of highly-polyphonic synergy-triads, with a hint of so-called 'resonance-tetrachords'. My latest piece begins with a rather percussive 'time-signature-installation', before apparently transforming the existing fragmentary material into a more passively-semantic state, a process I term 'contrastingly-eclectic-premiering'.

Working extendedly means that my focus is always uniquely-based, and never periodic. My aim is simple - to mix all pro-neo-Romantic contrasting-phrases, whilst simultaneously (and contrapuntally) composing the idea of 'contemporary-imitation-materials'. The most important tip I can give anyone is this: Never compose soloistic perceptions; rather, endeavour to premiere your microtonally-avant-garde challenges. One of my most integral influences is the concept of contextualizing postmodern ensembles, which rejects my style and causes my material to become somewhat minimalistic. It must be remembered that cultivating interactions, especially if they are 12-tone (or even unified), should be avoided.

And then there's this whopper: 

It is plainly obvious that the act of influencing extended polyphonies causes one to become coherent (and sometimes even innovative), which is why I deny this approach, preferring instead to simply deny pre-conceivedly. Recently, I have started to embrace interactions as a strongly-psycho-serialist alternative to established forms of operatic noise-compositions, which has made my work simultaneously improvisatory. It is always crucial to seek a sense of 'developments of chord', never more so than today. It is plainly obvious that the act of superimposing tonal chord-structures causes one to become Expressionist (and sometimes even periodic), which is why I deny this approach, preferring instead to simply dominate melodically. The fact that transcriptions tend to (at least in their technological state), quartally study, even in the presence of a strong tessitura, is, you will agree, patently absurd.

Dear readers, I promise never to inflict paragraphs like these on you. Much. After all, brevity is wit.

If you've made it this far down the column, I want to thank you as I generate my own brand of classical music...er...bullshit, for being here for almost five years. There are more of you than when we started, and I thank you for your patience, your enthusiasm, and your occasional corrections. I'm heading to three straight nights of Tchaikovsky pieces, and hope that the following reviews will generate some pleasure in your lives.

In other words, I hope you continue to enjoy the blog.

All best,
Paul J. Pelkonen,
Editor,
Superconductor

Prospero vs. The Machine

News about next year's Tempest, some of it even factual.

Simon Keenlyside (left) as Prospero menaces Ian Bostridge's Caliban in The Tempest.
Image © 2004 Royal Opera House of Covent Garden

Breaking news (and we mean that literally) from the Metropolitan Opera. In an interview with Toronto.com theater critic Richard Ouzounian, Metropolitan Opera general manager Peter Gelb has confirmed something that those of us who read Bradley Wilbur's now defunct Metropolitan Opera Futures Page already knew.

Robert Lepage will return to the theater to direct the company's first production of Thomas Ades' The Tempest.

Based on the Shakespeare play, Mr. Ades' new opera will feature Simon Keenlyside as Prospero, the wizard who creates a brave new world on a mysterious island. And yes, that's the same "enchanted island" featured in the Met's new pastiche opera, brilliantly titled The Enchanted Island.

I could at this point write something absurd about Mr. Lepage's dramatic vision for mounting The Tempest. And it would look like this:

This is not the set design for The Tempest.

"Worm Stage" is Met's Latest Challenge
Production of The Tempest will require construction of Lepage's latest stage idea: the "Worm," a 200-foot-long solar-powered stage set constructed entirely from dried rotini pasta, duct tape and glue. 


The set is advertised as the first "environmentally friendly, disposable opera set" and will create a "physically challenging" acting surface for the singers, including Mr. Keenlyside.

Asked about where the actors will stand on a stage made from 40 tons of pasta, a stagehand commented "that's what the duct tape is for." He asked to not be identified.

To build the $20-million-dollar contraption, the Metropolitan Opera's dogged stage crew will have to drill a 20-foot-wide accessway in the side of the opera house. This will accomodate a 75-foot high stanchion on either side of the building. When asked how the new supports will affect the neighboring Vivian Beaumont Theater, press representative T. Musquetier said: "I'm not too worried about it." 

The above isn't true. In fact this staging is being done in collaboration with La Scala, who will mount the opera in 2013.

 In another tidbit dropped by Mr. Gelb, the company's new production of Verdi's Falstaff will be directed by Des McAnuff, the Tony Award-winning director of Jersey Boys. Mr. McAnuff is currently putting the finishing touches on his new production of Jesus Christ Superstar.

The director will be back in New York to face the music (and the audience) tomorrow. His new production of Faust, (which updates Goethe's drama to the atomic age for some reason) has its premiere tomorrow night.

"Machine" Set to Occupy Zuccotti Park

Multi-million-dollar stage equipment comes to lower Manhattan.

The Metropolitan Opera and the Mayor's office have come up with a plan to cut the costs of the company's troubled production of Wagner's Ring. At the same time, the city will solve the problems posed by Occupy Wall Street, the two-month-old protest movement in Zuccotti Park.

The City has arranged to borrow the "Machine" set, which has been used (up until now) for the Ring. The 45-ton set, which has been in storage at the Metropolitan Opera House since the last run of Siegfried, will be transported to lower Manhattan and set up at Zuccotti Park for eight weeks.

Designed by director Robert Lepage, the "Machine" is a sophisticated device, consisting of two dozen mechanical planks that spin around a central axis by computer control.  During the operas, the planks are repeatedly reconfigured to create a projection surface for computer graphics, meant to represent the rivers, mountains, and castles of Wagner's mythological dramas. 

In its new role, the huge 45-ton contraption will be set up in Zuccotti Park, the private recreational space owned by Brookfield Properties. Its mechanical planks will be set to "spin" mode, and used to literally and permanently sweep the park clear of protestors, pedestrians, and other undesirable types.

Starting on November 31, the city will embark on its Phase II plans for the park. This includes the opening of Zukotay!, a holiday-themed entertainment set on the site of the former Occupy Wall Street encampment. With help from a 12k Lumen Projector mounted on the nearby Joie de Vivre sculpture, the Machine will be used to project falling snow, magnificent mountain vistas and even the festive visual of a burning Yule log. 

"We plan to make this a family-friendly entertainment vector where there used to be homelessness and drumming." said Cirque du Poivre representative Alvin Tamias. "Passers-by and hard-working Wall Street professionals will be able to enjoy the show before being suddenly whacked in the head with a large plank."

The contraption will remain in round-the-clock operation at Zuccotti Park through the Christmas shopping season until Jan. 18. Then it will be returned to the Met to begin rehearsals for Götterdämmerung, the final chapter of Wagner's Ring opening on Jan. 27. Addressing concerns from local residents about the noise made by continually spinning planks, Mr. Tamias said: "We've been assured that the Machine's operation is whisper-quiet."

Deputy police commissioner Michael J. Czech claimed that this is a breakthrough in law enforcement. "Forget the L-Rad Sound Cannon," Mr. Czech crowed to the press. "This is the future of law enforcement--huge permanent technological structures that can keep a plaza free of protestors or occupiers with minimal expenditure on manpower and per diem, the expense of sending flak jackets to the dry cleaners."

Mechanical Resonance

Metropolitan Opera Unveils Latest Hi-Tech Robot Initiative.
by Paul J. Pelkonen

Introducing the Met's new concertmaster, Toyota's Cyrex-5.

The Metropolitan Opera continues to push new technological boundaries with its new staging of Wagner's Ring. Its latest investment: robot musicians.

Met Slashes Costs, Solves Sword Issue

Opera Company introduces Properties Crossover Initiative.*

Paul Richter as Siegfried in a scene from Fritz Lang's Die Nibelungen: Siegfried.

In a measure designed to cut costs and promote "creative synergy" between opera productions, the Metropolitan Opera has announced that its new productions will recycle props and costume elements from its other stagings of operas, re-using them as part of its new Ring cycle.

Known behind the scenes as Executive Order PCI 1138 (or, more informally, Operation: Nothung, the initiative will be introduced with the current run of Donizetti's Anna Bolena and the new production of Wagner's Siegfried, opening on October 27.


The plan calls for the sword from Siegfried (known to Wagnerians as "Nothung") to be used for the (offstage) decapitation of the soprano, who sings the role of doomed English queen Anne Boleyn in the Donizetti opera.

"The first time we tried this, the sword broke," said prop-master Aloyisus Kaputnik. "But then we realized that the prop sword" (from last season's new production of Die Walküre) "was designed specifically to shatter onstage."

"As a weapon, it's pretty useless", Mr. Kaputnik admitted. "I wanted to use the guillotine from Andrea Chenier but was voted down on grounds of historical inaccuracy."

"We have higher hopes for the sword for Siegfried", spokesman Peter Paul Mars said. "Robert Lepage's 'Machine' set is not just the centerpiece of our production. Plank No. 23 has inside it a fully functioning minature blast furnace, which can be used to forge a high-tensile weapon that can then decapitate any soprano."

"It was either that, or buy a sword online," Mars added.

*Don't believe everything you read. 

Baritone Brings Down House

Giovanni Jones signs for an admiring young opera lover.
Image from Long-Haired Hare © 1948 Warner Brothers.

The concert debut of acclaimed baritone Giovanni Jones ended in surprising fashion when the ceiling of the arena collapsed. No one was injured, and Mr. Jones emerged from the rubble to take a bow.

Mr. Jones had become a fixture on the Los Angeles opera scene since singing the role of Ambrogio in a small San Pedro production of Rossini's L'inutile precauzione, with tenor Michele Maltese and bass Carlo Jonzio.

A powerful baritone singer with a half-octave range, Giovanni Jones drew acclaim for his performance as Gunther in the Christoph von Dohnanyi recording of Wagner's Götterdämmerung. The singer is also a leading candidate for inclusion in the forthcoming BariHunks 2012 calendar.

The singer was offering a recital focusing on the repertory of Rossini, including the aria "Largo al factotum." But his attempt to hit the high note at the end of the aria caused the concrete ceiling overhead to crack and shatter.

Conductor Leopold Lapin, who stepped in at the last minute for Hans Haasenpfeffer, could not be reached for comment. The maestro was on his way to an appearance at the carrot festival in Pismo Beach, but had taken a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

"Ghost" Busting

New Director May Pull Valhalla Out of the Fire

Kaboom! Director Michael Bay and his ideas for Götterdämmerung. 

We're about two months away from the opening of the Metropolitan Opera season, and three months away from the premiere of Siegfried, the third part of the company's new Ring cycle designed and directed by Robert Lepage.

Or is it?

According to an item on parterre box, the Canadian director is considering bringing in a "ghost director" to work on Siegfried and Götterdämmerung, the last two operas in the massive mythological cycle. No information was given on who this might be--whether it's an assistant director from the house or another big-name professional.

Mr. Lepage's Ring has met with mixed reviews for the first two installments. Das Rheingold was stagey and beset with blocking problems, including a conspicuous pair of non-threatening Giants.


Die Walküre went off smoothly, despite an Act I set that looked shipped in from IKEA and the bizarre decision to have a double play Brunnhilde as she slept on top of her mountain. Speculation: this arrangement could have been made to ensure extra rehearsals for Deborah Voigt's summer run of Annie Get Your Gun at the Glimmerglass Festival.

Since we here at Superconductor have no information beyond the parterre snippet, the time has come to engage in rabid speculation as to who this "ghost director" might be. Here's five candidates:

Herbert von Karajan: Sure, he's dead. But the former Austrian conductor would probably like finish his incomplete cycle at the opera house from the 1970s. Could the spirit of von Karajan descend from the heavens above Austria and lead an inspired Götterdämmerung? Barring that, could he direct?


Julie Taymor: The trials and tribulations of the U2-written musical Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark were one reason the Met's technological issues with the Ring didn't hold the headlines. Ms. Taymor might return to the scene of her triumphant Die Zauberflöte. Her dragon is better-looking anyway.

Otto Schenk: The people's choice! Herr Schenk directed the company's wildly successful staging of the Ring that held the boards at the Met for 20 years. I'm sure that there's a container somewhere in New Jersey that still has the old sets, and that they can be whipped back into shape for the complete cycles planned for next Spring. But that would make too much sense.

Stephen Wadsworth: He's directed the Ring in Seattle. Last year, he took just six weeks to stage the Met's new Boris Godunov after German director Peter Stein cancelled in mid-July. The most likely candidate on this list.

Michael Bay: The Hollywood filmmaker understands the manufacture of "entertainment" where huge, clanking machinery takes higher priority than the safety of performers, and heart-warming drama is replaced by soulless technology and ginned-up computer-generated special effects. The man who gave us Transformers, Revenge of the Fallen and Dark of the Moon is the guy they should have hired in the first place.

Clash of the Um...Big Robots

Battling Stage Sets Wreck North Jersey after U2 Show

The Met's "Machine" set in a performance of last season's Das Rheingold.

The usually placid swamplands around the Meadowlands Sports Complex became a mechanical armageddon as two giant stage sets did battle in North Jersey last night.

The clash was between the Claw, the 150-foot four-legged monstrosity built for the Irish rock band U2, and the "Machine", the 16-ton Rube Goldberg contraption (chiefly consisting of two dozen spinning planks) designed and built for the Metropolitan Opera's new production of Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen.

Around 9pm, the multi-million dollar Ring set escaped from its storage container located in the shadow of the New Jersey Turnpike, and started its slow, inexorable march across the swamp, reaching the Meadowlands just as U2 were wrapping up their show.

Ready to rumble: U2's "Claw" set before combat.

The Irish band had just finished a late set at the New Meadowlands Stadium last night, closing the show with "Out of Control", the band's first single.


"All of a sudden I heard a whirring, clattering sound," an eyewitness said. "Then this crazy thing with the spinning planks started playing the flight of the Valkyries, or whatever. It was go time!"

The U2 Claw set, which has toured the world with the band on its acclaimed 360˚ Tour, wrenched itself free from its floor anchors. Using its 100-foot legs to scuttle like a crab, the Claw climbed over the three-tiered football stadium to do battle with its operatic counterpart. Its giant digital lozenge screen flashed with the message "This means war!" and the long central spire became a stabbing energy lance.

"This is awesome," one teenager said, staring up as the U2 set started to fire blasts of concussive BonoForce™ at the Machine's spinning planks. "Go U2! Bono rules!" he screamed before being crushed by one of the giant Claw legs.

Another local on her way home to Long Island told reporters, "This is stupid. What do they think they're doing, fighting like this? I just want to go home."

The Met's Machine set, last seen in the opera house at the company's 2010-2011 productions of Das Rheingold and Die Walküre issued the following statement in Morse code:

Battleground: crews clean up the Meadowlands after last night's robot rumble.

"People of Earth, your days are numbered. The OperaBots Have Come."


The U2 Claw responded: "Let's go. Let's go. Discotheque!" before blasting at the other machine with a thunderous rendition of "Zoo Station" that set its planks spinning. The two mechanical combatants grappled for supremacy above commuters, terrified witnesses trapped in the post-concert traffic.

The fight continued across the vast Meadowlands parking lot, partially damaging the nearby IZOD Center. The fight finally ended when both machines, exhausted, collapsed in the destroyed rubble of the former Xanadu shopping complex.

Scientists at NJASA, the New Jersey Alien Science Analysts, an organization founded and funded by the state after the 1938 attacks by Martians on Princeton NJ, were unavailable for comment. Governor Chris Christie has been critical of NJASA as a "hoax" and has promised to slash their funding "to the bone." But after the events of last night this may have been a bad idea.

Neither the Metropolitan Opera representatives, nor U2 band manager Paul McGuinness were available for comment. But Governor Christie's office said that Trenton legislature has high hopes that Xanadu will be rebuilt as the "fantasy shopping Utopia" of tomorrow. Funds for reconstructing the troubled project will be drawn from the slashed NJASA budget.

City Opera: With Real Elephants?

An Artistic Intitiative at the Barclay Center Prompts Blogger Speculation

Wouldn't you want to see an opera here? With free popcorn?
Image © 2011 NJ.com/New Jersey Nets Basketball

A little over a month ago, Superconductor ran an article about the New York City Opera and its possible choices for a new home. Among the serious possibilities (City Center, BAM) were a number of tongue-in-cheek suggestions including the Barclay Center.

Now let me make this clear:

I...was...kidding!

The Barclay seemed as likely a candidate for City Opera relocation as Crif Dogs in the East Village or (my personal favorite) the Owl's Head Water Reclamation Plant. But that twisted vision of the future may come to pass.

Built at the corner of Atlantic Avenue, the Flatbush Avenue Extension and Fourth Avenue, the Barclay Center is the new basketball arena currently under construction as part of the multijillion-dollar Atlantic Yards development. It is scheduled to open as home of the transplanted (and soon to be renamed) New Jersey Nets next year. But according to an article in the New York Times this sarcastic scenario is a possibility, albeit a dim one.

The Times ran a story chronicling the recent deal between the Barclay Center and the neighboring Brooklyn Academy of Music, to use the white elephant arena as a large scale stage for performing arts events of an undisclosed nature. The performances would begin in the Spring of 2013, but no specific reference was made to any artists or possible choice of repertory.

Hey Bob! I think there might be a job for us at City Opera!
Photo © 2006 African Wildlife Foundation

One cannot help but speculate if that includes large-scale performances by New York City Opera, assuming that the beleagured (and currently indigent) opera company can cobble together enough donations to put on any kind of season in 2013. Of course, turning a shiny new b-ball arena into a Brooklynite Baths of Caracalla for giant productions of Aida and Turandot is a cool idea, but it seems like this would be more the Metropolitan Opera's bag.

In other City Opera news, the company's recent preview performance of Rufus Wainwright's opera-to-be Prima Donna was met with a swarm of company protestors outside the Winter Garden in the World Financial Center. The merry musicians played excerpts from La bohème and Carmen, popular, beloved operas that the company used to mount before general manager George Steel took over and moved the city's second-biggest opera company out of its Lincoln Center digs.

The Rest of the Story?

Five Operatic Sequels We'd Like to See
by Paul J. Pelkonen
Opera has its share of "sequels". The most famous is Mozart's The Marriage of Figaro, which follows The Barber of Seville. Gluck followed Iphegenia in Aulis with the Greek princess' adventures in Tauris.

Back for more: Giuseppe di Luca as Rigoletto.

Richard Strauss followed the events of the Trojan War with The Egyptian Helen. And Wagner, not satisfied with his libretto for Siegfried's Death wrote three prequels to it, which eventually became The Ring of the Nibelung.

Don't Panic: It's an Opera!

Just do what the sign says. Or more to the point, don't!
 © 2005 The Estate of Douglas Adams/Touchstone Pictures

In honor of the Tenth Annual Towel Day and the work of Mr. Douglas Adams, we are proud to present a completely unlicensed setting of Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy as an opera in three acts. 

Why not set Hitchhiker's Guide as an opera? It's already been a videogame, a radio series, a BBC mini-series, a book, a movie, and a towel.

Dramatis personae:
Arthur Dent, an Englishman: Baritone
Ford Prefect, a writer, from Betelgeuse: Tenor
Zaphod Beeblebrox, the three-armed, two-headed President of the Galaxy: Mezzo-soprano (trouser part) and Counter-tenor.
Tricia "Trillian" McMillan, sexy space cadet: Coloratura soprano
Marvin, an android: Bass
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz, a space captain and bureaucrat: Bass-baritone
Slartibartfast, Not important, but a tenor.
Mr. L. Prosser, construction worker: Character tenor
Babel Fish: Soprano
(This work is based on The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. All characters © The Estate of Douglas Adams. Used affectionately, but (dirk) gently.)

Synopsis:

Act I: Mostly Harmless

Scene one: A small, unremarkable house in the English countryside. 
The action opens on a small, unremarkable house in the English countryside. We find Arthur Dent lying in the grass in front of his home, blocking the path of a bulldozer. (Duet: "Won't you please move, Mr. Dent?" with L. Prosser.)

Hoopy froods know where their towels are. Mine is in the bathroom.

Dent's friend Ford Prefect enters, warning him that the world is about to end. (Aria: "I'm not from Guildford.") They go to a pub, and exit as the bulldozer begins to demolish the house as the workmen sing a chorus: ("Axes over the door.") Ford explains that he is from a small planet near Betelgeuse. He is a field researcher for that user-friendly galactic guidebook, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. (Aria: "Always know where your towel is.")

Scene two: A local pub
Ford and Arthur enter the pub. A drinking chorus ("Six pints of bitter, the world's about to end") is sung, interrupted when everything goes bright white.
There is a horrible, ghastly silence. Curtain.

Act II: In Outer Space

Scene one: The dank hold of a Vogon ship
Arthur finds himself with Ford in the dank hold of a Vogon ship. (Duet: "Here's your towel/What can a Babel Fish do?") The Babel Fish has a wordless arioso at this point, which is interrupted by a belligerent chorus of Vogons ("Resistance is Useless!") Ford and Arthur are marched in front of the Vogon captain Jeltz. He reads them a poem (Extended aria: "O freddled gruntbuggly.") They are sentenced to death, and expelled into space. (Duet: "So this is it, we're going to die.")


Scene two: Aboard the Heart of Gold
Arthur and Ford find themselves on another starship: the Heart of Gold. (Duet: "It's improbably true.") They meet Ford's two-headed, three-armed cousin Zaphod Beeblebrox, the terminally depressed robot Marvin, and Zaphod's girlriend, Trillian. Sextet: ("Which way to Magrathea?")Arthur and Trillian sing a duet: ("It's not quite tea.")

Scene three: The Bridge of the Heart of Gold
Zaphod explains, in a patter duet featuring both of his heads, the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. ("They say it starts with forty".) The Heart of Gold flies to Magrathea, and is nearly destroyed by the planetary defense system, until the two missiles turn into a whale and a bowl of petunias. The chorus assembles across the front of the stage beneath a projection of the two falling objects, singing the choral fugue: ("Hey, what's this?/Oh no, not again.") The whale lands on the stage with a resounding SPLAT!. 


There is a horrible, ghastly silence.

Diagram for the Babel Fish:
from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy© BBC/Megadodo Publications

Act III: Magrathea

Scene one: A gray, wind-swept place with two caves.
Zaphod serenades the twin suns of Magrathea: ("O Soulianis and Rahm!") and leads everyone (except Arthur and Marvin) into a cave. Arthur is freezing on the surface of Magrathea when he is confronted by Slartibartfast. (Aria: "My name isn't important.") They exit.


Marvin, left alone, has a long aria ("Oh I'm so very depressed.")

Scene two: The Factory Floor:
Slartibartfast brings Arthur to the factory floor of Magrathea, showing him how the Magratheans construct planets for the pleasure of the galaxy's idle rich. He explains the history of the construction of Deep Thought (with accompanying visual aids, a chorus, and a small ballet sequence.) The Ultimate Answer is given in another chorus ("O Day of Knowledge.")

Arthur finds his traveling companions, captured by Benji Mouse and Franki Mouse, the two programmers of Deep Thought. (Quintet: "How many roads must a man walk down?") as the characters grapple with the meaning of existence. The mice exit.

A squadron of Vogons, led by Jeltz march onstage and everyone flees. The Vogons sing a choral reprise of "O freddled gruntbuggly". At this point, the audience dies of shock and horror, and the opera ends as the performance venue is demolished by a fleet of yellow bulldozers.

There is a horrible, ghastly silence.

Rare Orchestra Announces Rare U.S. Tour

Jean Sibelius, surprised as anyone else
 that they've found the score of his Eighth Symphony.

Inspired by Daniel J. Wakin's excellent article in the New York Times on questionable orchestras and their planned tours of North America, Superconductor is pleased to announce its sponsorship of the first North American tour by the world-famous Olematon Akatemia Sinfoniaorkestri.

The group will be touring under the direction of its current music director, Lupää Johtaja. Mr. Johtaja has worked with the 120-piece touring ensemble since 1999, and originally joined the orchestra as a second triangle player.

The company's summer repertory includes Bruckner's Concerto for Two Wagner Tubas and String Orchestra, The Asteroids, a tone poem by Gustav Holst, Franz Liszt's Fourth Piano Concerto for the Left Pinkie and the Richard Strauss waltz Schlagobers. The orchestra will also be playing an abbreviated version of John Cage's 4'33" as its nightly encore.

Based in the world-class Kusta Lumi Concert Hall, newly built on the outskirts of Kemijärvi, Finland, this  ensemble is particularly revered for its performance of the recently discovered Eighth Symphony of Finnish national composer Jean Sibelius. The score, long thought destroyed, was found underneath a FinnBot pinball machine in a public house on the outskirts of Rovaniemi. A recording is forthcoming on Teldec Records.

Founded on February 30, 1973, the Olematon Akatemia Sinfoniaorkestri is an internationally accredited ensemble, which spent most of the 1970s and '80s on goodwill tours of the eastern end of the former Soviet bloc. Their first music director was the much-loved Sonni "Paska" Valehtelija. In addition to his chamber arrangement of Arnold Schoenberg's cantata Gurre-Lieder, Mr. Valehtelija was known for conducting concert versions of rare operas, including Richard Wagner's Wieland der Schmied, Giuseppe Verdi's Re Lear and Leos Janacek's The Cunning Little Agent, a dark comedy which is the flip side to the composer's The Makropolous Case.

Tour stops include Bodie, CA, Berlin, NV, Medicine Mound, TX, and Centralia, PA before returning to Europe to play a summer festival in Belchite, Spain. More information about this orchestra can be found at this site.

#OperaPlot Until You Plotz: THE ANSWERS

So I never got any entries to #OperaPlot Until You Plotz, my little contest based on the 25 posts I entered in this year's #operaplot contest on Twitter.

I didn't win either. Le sigh. Anyway, here's the answers. Please enjoy your nonexistent CD grab bag prize.

And it was easier than you thought. Ten of these were Wagner operas.

1) Peter the Great climbs the perch. Selling anti-Streltsy merch. Mother Russia's in the lurch. Time to go and burn a church. Khovanschina by Modest Mussorgsky

First prize was a night out...
with this guy. Well, not really.

2) Maybe I should make that deal with Samiel. The last magic bullet might hit that guy who arrived on the ghost ship last night. This was an "orphan"--could have been one of two operas. Der Freischutz by Weber or Der Fliegende Holländer by Wagner.

3) It's not a bad life. Have hot wild sex in a cave: win a no-frills round-trip package to Italy complete with tour of the Vatican Tannhäuser by Wagner.

4) Mo-mo-mo-Moses, supposes, Jehoveses, he knowses, but Moses, supposes, Aron-eously.
Moses und Aron by Arnold Schoenberg

5) In the depths of a river, three mermaids did flit, singing "Weia-la-weia-la-weia." A dwarf hit upon them, they'd have none of it.
Das Rheingold by Richard Wagner

6) Vasco, Vasco, Vasco da Gama, brave as he could be. Vasco, Vasco , Vasco da Gama, watch out for that tree!
L'Africaine by Giacomo Meyerbeer

7) Crazy Middle East despot sings love song to tree, builds bridge to nowhere with government money.
Xerxes/Serse by Georg Friedrich Handel

8) Whisk flour, salt in bowl. Cut in cold shortening. Toss with fork. Roll dough flat. Put in pie plate. Add children. Bake.
Hansel und Gretel by Engelbert Humperdinck

9) On top of a mountain, where sheep graze the lea, 'twas once a poor maiden, And now she's a tree.
Daphne by Richard Strauss

10) I love you. I believe you. I'll marry you. Have a glass of water.
Arabella by Richard Strauss

11) Cistern Christian oh your time has come. And I know that you're the only one to say....Auuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Salome by Richard Strauss

12) The fish are in the pot. He's sleeping on a cot. He'd like to have a tot. But married bliss there's not. These rhyme with #operaplot.
Die Frau Ohne Schatten by Richard Strauss

13) I get knocked down. But I get up again. And then I think I'm gonna drown.
Wozzeck by Alban Berg

14) I'm spending all my time watching Fox. And if I see Fox, I'll shoot it.
The Cunning Little Vixen by Leos Janacek

15) Ethiopia invaded! Egyptian army captures military strongman--cites "pyramid power." Aida by Giuseppe Verdi

16) Breaking News: Operation: Haircut fallout: Thousands of Dagon Faithful Killed in Freak Temple Collapse.
Samson et Dalila by Camille Saint-Säens

17) Up Scheldt creek without a paddle. Or a swan.
Lohengrin by Wagner. Should have been "Up on Scheldt creek: Grail send me. If I spring a leak, swan mends me. I don't have to speak, if she offends me." Maybe next year.

18) To-do list: 1. Go to church. 2. Annoy tax collector. 3. Fix shoes. 4. Slap apprentice. 5. Beer und pretzels mit mein homies.
Die Meistersinger von Nürnberg by Richard Wagner

19) Figgy played guitar. Then he dressed up his boss, for some pace goia. While they're housebreakin' the ladder was tak'n.
Il barbiere di Siviglia by Gianachino Rossini

20) Stan: Join me on fiesta deck for cocktails. We can discuss Ireland-Cornwall tax problems and knock back a few.
Tristan und Isolde by Richard Wagner

21) Could you maybe pull out the sword and not sing loudly while doing it? My husband's trying to sleep.
Die Walküre by Richard Wagner

22) Oh how I hate to get up in the morning. Oh how I hate to come out and drink. Cos the tenor's waiting there. To stab my derry-air.
Siegfried by Richard Wagner

23) Are you sleeping? Are you sleeping? Hagen son? Hagen son? Time to kill the hero. World go back to zero. Ring is done. Ring is done.
Götterdämmerung by Richard Wagner. Yes I tweaked this a bit.

24) Thr 1ce ws a grl nmd Kundry She rde for the knites 4 thr sundries Thn alng cm a fool Sh tht h ws cool. Bt died rt b4 Easter Snday
Parsifal by Richard Wagner

25) Julie: Mt me @ Father Larry's 4 wdng XOX--Romez
Roméo et Juliette by Charles Gounod


And there you have it. Thanks to Miss Mussel at The Omniscient Mussel for providing such a diverting fra diavolo divertissement. Congrats to the winners.

When Opera Meets Baseball: The Lineup Cards

That's "Babe Ruth," not "Bay-reuth."

(Inspired by the Twitter conversations of Alan Held and Susan Spector. Thanks to you both!) 
Spring is here, the Mets and Yankees are playing, and I'm going to bring two of my favorite things together in the same post. As opera season winds down and baseball season winds up, we present these two fun lineups for your consideration.

The Heroes All-Stars

C: Calaf: (Turandot) The first player in the majors called up from Tartary. His signs are riddles to the opposition and he packs a wallop in the last act...er inning of the game.

1B: Siegfried. (Siegfried, Götterdämmerung) Too dumb to do anything but catch the ball, tag the guy out, and slay dragons. He's in the lineup for his..uhh durability.

2B: Papageno: (The Magic Flute) He catches pop flies as if they were birds.

3B: Figaro. (The Marriage of Figaro, The Barber of Seville.) He'll keep the pepper up in the infield and he's always willing to play two. Plus, he's the team stylist!

SS: Octavian Maria Ehrenreich Bonaventura Bernand Hyacinth Rofrano: (Der Rosenkavalier) The silver flash at short has quick hands. Good thing this team has no names on their jerseys.

LF: Manrico: (Il Trovatore) Impulsively chases down fly balls when the game is at stake.

CF: Don Alvaro: (La Forza del Destino) He covers a lot of ground out there, especially when Don Carlos di Vargas is after him.

RF: Wozzeck. Originally had him playing left, but he moved to right on the advice of his Doctor after seeing too many hedgehogs.

DH: Casey: (The Mighty Casey. Written in 1953 by William Schuman.) Just called up from Mudville. Strikes out a lot.

P: Fidelio/Leonore: (Beethoven's Fidelio) Has a wicked slider and is great in the clutch innings when the game is on the line.

Relief Pitchers: Lohengrin, Bacchus (Ariadne auf Naxos) Introducing: the bullpen boat!

Manager: Wotan. (Der Ring des Nibelungen) They lost four straight in a series to the Nibelheim Black Elves.


The Villains Team: Bad Guys Have More Fun

C: Don Basilio (Il barbiere di Siviglia) Ex-music teacher turned backstop is good at trash-talking (callunnia) the opposition. Backed up by Leporello.

1B: Attila: They got him in a trade (for two Gibichungs) with the the Budapest Invaders.

2B: Salome: Plays bare-foot. Boy, you don't want to see her contract demands.

3B: Councillor Lindorf/Dappertutto/Dr. Mirakle/Coppelius. (The Tales of Hoffmann) Like getting four players for the price of one.

SS: Klingsor: (Parsifal) They call him "The Wizard." Had surgery similar to John Kruk's.

LF: Boris Godunov: won the batting crown last season under very suspicious circumstances.

CF: Mephistopheles: (Faust, Mefistofele, Doktor Faust, La damnation de Faust) Who else? He moves with the speed of thought.

RF: The Witch (Hansel und Gretel): Pioneered the use of broomsticks in Opera League Baseball. Makes covering the outfield easier. Also, in charge of catering.

DH: Hagen (Götterdämmerung.) This heavy hitter uses his patented swing, the old "stab-in-the-back."

P: Don Giovanni Has an extensive catalogue of pitches. Prefers to have Leporello behind the plate.

Relief Pitchers: The Queen of the Night, (The Magic Flute) Hunding (Die Walküre) Like good villains, they arrive at inopportune times.

Manager: Baron Scarpia: (Tosca) They call him "The Chief." A tough disciplinarian, his team meetings are said to be torture.

And now...Eine Kleine Nichtmusik

For your listening displeasure, the work of P.D.Q. Bach


From the biographical sketch, by Professor Peter Schickele.

P.D.Q. Bach once said that his illustrious father gave him no training in music whatsoever, and it is one of the few things he said that we can believe without reservation. His rebelliousness was such, in fact, that he avoided music as much as possible until he was well into his thirties (as a teenager he did assist in the construction of the loudest instrument ever created, the pandemonium, but he wisely skipped town before the instrument’s completion, having sensed with uncanny accuracy, that the Pavilion of Glass was perhaps not the most felicitous location for the inaugural concert). But by the mid 1770s he realized that, given his last name, writing music was the easiest thing he could do, and he began composing the works that were to catapult him into obscurity.

This most mini musical life has been divided into three creative periods: the Initial Plunge, the Soused Period, and Contrition. The middle period was by far the longest of the three, and was characterized by a multiplicity of contrapuntal lines and a greater richness of harmony due to almost constant double vision. It was during this period that he emulated (i.e., stole from) the music of Haydn and Mozart, but his pathetic attempts to be au courant were no more successful than his pathetic attempts to be passé had been during the Initial Plunge; having to cope with the problems that accompany immense popularity was something P.D.Q. Bach managed to avoid. It has been said that the only original places in his music are those places where he forgot what he was stealing. And, since his memory was even shorter than his sightedness, he was in point of fact one of the most original composers ever to stumble along the musical pike.

Interview with a Superconductor

by Bidrum Vabish

Why "Superconductor?"
I picked the name last year. It's a song by the band Rush--and it seemed apt. There's a line in the chorus: "Watch his every move--Superconductor--orchestrate illusions." That's what writers do. And I like Rush. Still do.

So how long have you been writing about classical music?
My first published piece was in Wagner Notes, the newsletter of the Wagner Society of New York. I reviewed a two-VHS tape set of Parsifal with Poul Elming and Waltraud Meier, with Daniel Barenboim on the podium. Would be nice if Teldec, or Unitel or Warners or whoever would put that out on DVD. Anyway that was in 1994. My first paid reviews were for Metrobeat in 1996.




We've heard about your CD collection. What's the single biggest item in it?
Something I just acquired: The Scarlatti sonatas for keyboard, with Scott Ross. Ross was an American harpsichordist who taught in Canada and made these recordings--all 555 sonatas--over a six-month period in France. He recorded two a day until he was done. Most of them are on harpsichord, but some are on the organ. They're really good.

That's bigger than the Ring?
Yeah. I own a number of recordings of the Ring Cycle but they all count up at fourteen or fifteen discs. The Scarlatti is thirty-four CDs. I also have a set of Haydn symphonies with Antal Dorati--that's a solid thirty discs.

What's the best bargain CD you've ever bought?
I'd say my copy of the Liszt Piano Transcriptions with Jean-Yves Thibaudet. He's an amazing musician--I interviewed him last year for the Herald Tribune. I paid $5 for that in a little store in Boston which I think is (unlike Tower Records and Sam Goody) still in business!

What's the last really good night you had at the opera?
Well, the recent Walküre was really good until I got sick. The Romeo et Juliette at the Met, with Matthew Polenzani and Anna Netrebko, which we saw on New Year's Eve, was pretty fabulous.

Do you review everything you see?
I try. There are some nights when I simply can't make it to a performance--something else gets in the way, or illness comes up, or a family crisis. Then I'll donate the tickets. But yeah I think I've missed maybe two or three concerts that I've seen and not written about.

How come half your reviews are Wagner operas?
I like Wagner. And it's my dime.

Poul Elming and Waltraud Meier in Parsifal.© 1994 Unitel/Teldec/Warner Classics.