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| That's "Babe Ruth," not "Bay-reuth." |
Spring is here, the Mets and Yankees are playing, and I'm going to bring two of my favorite things together in the same post. As opera season winds down and baseball season winds up, we present these two fun lineups for your consideration.
The Heroes All-Stars
C: Calaf: (Turandot) The first player in the majors called up from Tartary. His signs are riddles to the opposition and he packs a wallop in the last act...er inning of the game.
1B: Siegfried. (Siegfried, Götterdämmerung) Too dumb to do anything but catch the ball, tag the guy out, and slay dragons. He's in the lineup for his..uhh durability.
2B: Papageno: (The Magic Flute) He catches pop flies as if they were birds.
3B: Figaro. (The Marriage of Figaro, The Barber of Seville.) He'll keep the pepper up in the infield and he's always willing to play two. Plus, he's the team stylist!
SS: Octavian Maria Ehrenreich Bonaventura Bernand Hyacinth Rofrano: (Der Rosenkavalier) The silver flash at short has quick hands. Good thing this team has no names on their jerseys.
LF: Manrico: (Il Trovatore) Impulsively chases down fly balls when the game is at stake.
CF: Don Alvaro: (La Forza del Destino) He covers a lot of ground out there, especially when Don Carlos di Vargas is after him.
RF: Wozzeck. Originally had him playing left, but he moved to right on the advice of his Doctor after seeing too many hedgehogs.
DH: Casey: (The Mighty Casey. Written in 1953 by William Schuman.) Just called up from Mudville. Strikes out a lot.
P: Fidelio/Leonore: (Beethoven's Fidelio) Has a wicked slider and is great in the clutch innings when the game is on the line.
Relief Pitchers: Lohengrin, Bacchus (Ariadne auf Naxos) Introducing: the bullpen boat!
Manager: Wotan. (Der Ring des Nibelungen) They lost four straight in a series to the Nibelheim Black Elves.
The Villains Team: Bad Guys Have More Fun
C: Don Basilio (Il barbiere di Siviglia) Ex-music teacher turned backstop is good at trash-talking (callunnia) the opposition. Backed up by Leporello.
1B: Attila: They got him in a trade (for two Gibichungs) with the the Budapest Invaders.
2B: Salome: Plays bare-foot. Boy, you don't want to see her contract demands.
3B: Councillor Lindorf/Dappertutto/Dr. Mirakle/Coppelius. (The Tales of Hoffmann) Like getting four players for the price of one.
SS: Klingsor: (Parsifal) They call him "The Wizard." Had surgery similar to John Kruk's.
LF: Boris Godunov: won the batting crown last season under very suspicious circumstances.
CF: Mephistopheles: (Faust, Mefistofele, Doktor Faust, La damnation de Faust) Who else? He moves with the speed of thought.
RF: The Witch (Hansel und Gretel): Pioneered the use of broomsticks in Opera League Baseball. Makes covering the outfield easier. Also, in charge of catering.
DH: Hagen (Götterdämmerung.) This heavy hitter uses his patented swing, the old "stab-in-the-back."
P: Don Giovanni Has an extensive catalogue of pitches. Prefers to have Leporello behind the plate.
Relief Pitchers: The Queen of the Night, (The Magic Flute) Hunding (Die Walküre) Like good villains, they arrive at inopportune times.
Manager: Baron Scarpia: (Tosca) They call him "The Chief." A tough disciplinarian, his team meetings are said to be torture.