Corresponda Gioconda
(with apologies to Almacore Ponchielli, Arrigio Boito and Alan Sherman)
(sung to the "Dance of the Hours" from Act III of La Gioconda, by Almacore Ponchielli)
It's your opera, correspondah
writin' 'bout La Gioconda
It's this opera, by Ponchielli
He's been dead long time by now he's kinda smelly.
This here opera's, 'bout this lady
Lives in Venice, think she's crazy
There's this creep who, wants to love her
So he sicks the Inquisition on her muddah!
Lady Laura, saves Mom's bacon
She sees Enzo, says "what's shakin'?"
But she's married, bursts his bubble
and it turns out Lady Laura is in trouble
That's not all 'cos, Gioconda
Loves old Enzo, He Don Juan 'er,
Cos he's lovin', Lady Laura
So he burns his boat and goes to the C'a D'oro
Laura's hubby's, (he's gonna kill her)
Dance of Hours, (he'll poison pill her)
But then G she switched the potions
so Laura and Enzo ex-cape to the ocean
In the fourth act, Gioconda,
saves ole Enzo, and his blonde-a
Then she waits there for Barnaba
Stabs herself in the gut before he can grab-ba.
Will it end? (when they abscond-a)
Four hours long (so help me Rhonda)
I think this one's, over-rated
Cos the opera's plot's too goddamn complicated
Did we mention, the blind momma?
She's thrown into the Orfana
A canal in, dear old Venice
She dies offstage which ties up the loose endies.
Dearest readers, this here story
has more twists than Trovatore!
But it's music, for the masses
Damn it now I went and lost my opera glasses!